The holidays can be a time of great togetherness and joy—but if you don’t exactly feel that way, you might experience a sense of isolation and withdrawal. We sat down with William Campbell, LMHC—a therapist here at Marvin—to learn a little bit more about how busy healthcare professionals can experience more gratitude, perspective, and understanding for themselves during an often tumultuous time of the year.
1. William… what are some of the key themes you see coming from your clients who work in healthcare during this time of year?
WC: Many healthcare professionals are working difficult shifts and do not have enough time to spend with family. Additionally, despite having enough leave hours to go on vacation and enjoy the holidays, they report that they are being told that they are needed at work and cannot use their vacation time. Several of my other medical professionals have reported an increase in burnout as fellow team members call out sick or don’t come to work at all.
2. In a time that means to be so joyous, what do you think underlies a lot of the holiday stress and sadness?
WC: Some stress is due to finances. Often, more money is spent at the end of the year than is during the other nine months of the year. That can be stressful. I have had clients discuss the stress of their children wanting specific toys, wanting to take trips, or asking for an item for the holidays that has a hefty price tag. One client I had worked with stated that she felt like a bad mom because her daughter only wanted one gift for Christmas, but the gift was more expensive than she wanted to spend. Asking a family member for assistance created more stress and also caused her to feel ineffective as a mother.
3. Given long hours and an increase in emergencies, how might holiday stress affect healthcare workers differently than the rest of us?
WC: Many healthcare workers are on a schedule that many people do not understand. One gentleman I work with has stated that his administrative duties have increased, which has left him with less time to prepare for the holidays and difficulty in scheduling appointments. The same client also stated that he feels disconnected from others when they invite him to be a part of things that they are doing, but he needs to decline because his work schedule will not allow him to have that flexibility. He has shared that there are days that he wants to change jobs and have a different profession.
Scheduling can be stressful. My Marvin clients have appreciated that I work with their schedules to set up therapy appointments—whether it’s the holiday season or not.
4. What are some tips you recommend to clients who have extra busy work schedules during the holidays that are causing them duress?
WC: Taking the time to be mindful and grateful. Many times, it is easy to get wrapped up in the one or two things that are negative and out of our control, but then we fail to see the ten things in front of us that are positive and we created. I encourage people to take a step back from what is overwhelming, take a breath, and look at the larger picture of things around them. It is like going to the grocery store and looking for your favorite cereal. If you stand in front of the cereal, you can only see the box that is in front of you. If you take three large steps back, you can see the entire aisle and find what you are looking for. I also speak to clients about the “Mr. Rodger’s Method.” When you get home, take off the scrubs and sneakers at the door. Play music that you enjoy. When with others, engage in conversations that are non-work related. Use the bed for sleep, not for laying out papers or responding to emails on your laptop. Leave work at work, and allow home to be a place of peace.
5. What are some tips you recommend to clients who struggle with relational or family issues during the holidays (now more than ever)?
WC: I remind clients of the power that they have in interpersonal relationships. We only have control over ourselves and we do not have control over others around us. We discuss skills for Coping Ahead, and preparing for dealing with people who are rude, chatty, intrusive, bigoted, or invalidating. Since most people know the people they are dealing with, I encourage clients to keep those personality traits in mind as they navigate the holidays and/or need to spend time with people who create stress or discomfort.
6. Some people feel more intense feelings of isolation during the season. What do you recommend to them to get through the season feeling more grounded?
WC: I ask people to think about the things that they like or appreciate or miss. Some clients will discuss what they used to do that helped them to feel good, but they also share that they no longer do it. That might be going to events with friends, working out, or being with family. It is easy to isolate. It takes more effort to put ourselves out there and be with others. One client I worked with stated that she did not want to be with her friends during the holidays because there was an unresolved conflict and she did not want to deal with drama. We discussed some options of ways to be around others and not isolate. She decided to volunteer at the local church that was serving meals to those who lacked housing stability. She reported that she stayed for 5 hours and enjoyed working with the other volunteers and connecting with the families who were being served. One thought that she shared with me was that her actions allowed her to feel good about herself, and this shifted some of the depressive feelings she was having.
7. Is there anything else you seem to focus on with clients this time of year?
WC: I focus on using the word “and” instead of “but”. If a client states that they want to be more involved in the holiday spirit at work, but they don’t really feel what other people are feeling, I ask them to change the “but” to an “and”. Both statements are true. They want to feel the holidays, and they are not quite there. There is nothing wrong with feeling what they feel. Our work in therapy is to find out what they want to have for themselves in relation to the holidays.
