Ever been advised, “Just give it 15 minutes?”
It turns out, you might need even less time to let a difficult feeling run its course. According to neuroscientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, there is a rough duration to the physiological experience of an emotional feeling: about 90 seconds. That duration is the premise for psychologist Dr. Joan Rosenberg’s advice for prevailing through heightened emotions: “Ride feelings as if they are ocean waves.”
If anyone knows how precious 90 seconds are, it is healthcare workers. Whether you’re working in the ER or just trying to see patients on a back-to-back basis, a few minutes can make or break your effectiveness.
That’s one of the reasons emotional regulation is so critical for anyone in healthcare. If you’ve ever found yourself wrapped up in a difficult emotion for longer than 90 seconds—specifically the most difficult emotions according to Dr. Rosenberg, which are anger, shame, frustration, sadness, hopelessness, embarrassment, disappointment, and vulnerability—here are some helpful tips to sharpen your emotional regulation toolkit.
Here are a few strategies for down-regulating three common emotions in a few minutes:
1. Ride waves of anger with deep breathing, clasped arms, and regulated speech.
When you feel fury, it can be helpful to down-regulate your physiological responsiveness—everything from breathing, to muscle tension, to vocal intensity. According to Dr. Rosenberg, a quick strategy for experiencing anger without letting it overwhelm you is to…
- Slow your breathing by taking 5-10 deep breaths
- Notice where the anger is living inside your body
- Clasp your hands behind your back in a pose of surrender
- Speak well-intentioned, calming statements to yourself at a low volume without the use of sarcasm
2. Weaken the internal swirl of shame by externalizing your emotional experience.
According to emotions researcher Brené Brown, “shame is a social emotion.” It exists because you fear judgment from another—or because you exert judgment upon yourself based on something you’ve learned from others.
That means you can help heal shame socially too. Here are a few quick antidotes:
- Tell your therapist during your weekly session
- Text a close, reliable friend or partner, with the sentence stem, “Hey, I’m feeling ashamed about…”
- Write down your shameful feeling in a journal. Then, imagine you’re another person who is auditing the sentence for its accuracy or reasonableness. Write back an imaginary response that challenges the necessity of the feeling. Is the shame helpful? Is it useful to hold onto the shame for more than 90 seconds? What would a supportive friend say back to you? What would you say back to someone you loved — how kindly would you speak to them?
3. Disempower frustration by reframing it as a growth opportunity.
Frustration tends to bubble up at moments in which an external force prevents us from getting what we want. Frustration is an emotion that tends to get easier the more you experience it. Repeated frustration, if acknowledged, regulated, and validated, can help to expand your overall frustration tolerance. Here are some ways to see frustration as a growth opportunity:
- Write down or think of three valid reasons that you want what you want.
- Fill in the blank: “I just can’t stand _________.” Then, say the line out loud to yourself, but say “I am learning how to withstand _______” instead.
- Remind yourself of three other frustrating scenarios you managed to endure over time. (Traffic jams? Internet outages? Annoying colleagues?)
A good first step for regulating difficult emotions is becoming more comfortable talking about them. Working with a Marvin therapist can help healthcare professionals better understand the influence of emotional dysregulation and develop strategies for emotional management. When you think of all that you need to regulate throughout the week, an hour in therapy is time well spent.
Looking to find your therapist fit? Sign up for Marvin.
